Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First Question (100 points): Which tire was flat?"
Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"
On his first day, the new CEO takes a tour of the main factory where the company's products are made - commenting periodically to his assistants on possible changes. The most common thing he notices is that most of the employees could be working harder than they are. Finally, he spots one guy who's literally just leaning against the wall, twiddling his thumbs. The CEO is pissed off and decides to send a message. He walks up to the guy, who doesn't seem bothered in the slightest. "Hey, you," the CEO says. "What are you doing?" "Just, sitting around waiting to get paid," the man said. Now the CEO is really furious. "Okay, well tell you what. How much do you make in a week?" The man shrugs, "I don't know, $200." The CEO pulls out his personal checkbook, writes a check for $400, and hands it to the man. "Two weeks notice. Now get out." The man pauses, thinks for a moment, and then leaves. Feeling satisfied, the CEO turns around to everyone, hoping the message has been received. "Well? Can anyone tell me what just happened?" "Well," said one of his employees, "You just tipped the pizza guy a whole lot of money."
An elderly man in Texas calls his son in New Jersey and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in California and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced!" she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she said as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and then turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."